My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.
We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it
turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a
big frickin red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass
If you enjoy the information here you can buy me a latte.
House of Wolfsberg ~ Amphitheatre
I Thought I was a Cowboy Until
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’ He replied,
‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves,
cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs,
so I guess I am a cowboy.’
She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.
When I shower, I think about women.
When I watch TV, I think about women.
I even think about women when I eat.
It seems that everything makes me think of women.’
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side
of the old cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’
He replied, ‘I always thought I was,
but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.’
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn’t work?
A Stick
8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn’t Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9.. What Do You Call Santa’s Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13.! What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What’s The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don’t Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims’ Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21 What’s The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes, Dang! Whack!
There I was on my way to a meeting. Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind … wasn’t even on the horizon … I was in a great mood …. and then … I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car…. and you know how you just get so stressed that life stuff seems to get funny? Yeah, well…., I could NOT believe it… he was a DWARF!
He looks at the rear of his car and then storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’
So, I look down at him and say, ‘Well, which one are you then?’
And that’s when the fight started…
If you enjoy the information here you can buy me a latte.
